It all started when she was a little boy. It was odd growing up as a boy but being a girl. The world simply would not accept her for what he was. A mixed up shook up person, in a mixed up shook up world. The reason I bring her to your attention is he is due to launch a new TV series on BZTY available on Sky, Virgin Media and online at The premise of the show was one which I can honestly say is a little odd.

Each week she will visit a shop and help them learn to dance on ice while eating bugs. While in the shop she would have to choose between a number of different boxes and answer questions in the hope that others won’t know the answer. All this so he could score points.

There are also extra points awarded by other shops for serving meals which have to be constructed to exact blue prints over seen by some guy called Kevin. Kevin would help the other shops create the blueprint which must be made from old family recipes. There were top marks awarded if the meal involved baking as that is a current trend and has its own hashtag on twitter.

The producers of the show originally had the idea that “contestants” would start with a Million pounds and lose a bit each time they got a question wrong. This idea was thrown out for being just that little bit too normal and worse still for them, safe! To stand out they decided to allow Ross Kemp to interview each of the “contestants” pre show, but only at night and with the sound of gun fire added in later.

The series producers where finding it hard to come up for as title for such an original show. They believed that all the good tittles had already been used. Take the High roadEldorado and I didn’t know I was pregnant were all thrown out for being used already.

Being down with the Web 2.0 they thought it was best to solicit the internet. However the internet was unhappy with being asked to do work for someone else and dismissed them like little boys at recess (or break if you are British). A Facebook group and a twitter hash tag was set up to ban the producers from using the power of crowd-sourcing.

What else could these producers of fine tele-visual entertainment do to find an original title? They consulted the book of goatish and simply called it “Flapping Shops”. This was eventually preferred over “mixed bag” and “Shop-a-doodle” thanks to the market research provided by Sweetie-Tweetie.

They went on discus the theme tune. For the last 9 new programmes they made, the theme tune was provided by Slim Paper Clip, a local band who had a knack of knocking out theme tunes to order. Sadly they were on a break after musical differences ripped through the band. The lead singer said in an offhand remark that she thought Miley Cyrus was evil. The lead guitarist took offence to this as he thought she was just plain pointless.

They also had no idea that one of the local shop owners who had put in a court order to get the show stopped was a rapper. As they went into complex negations to overcome the legal issues, the history of his rapping came up. For the record, they DIDN’T pay a private investigator to rake up some dirt. I have to say that legally. Now the producers being producers, decided to kill 2 birds with a laser stun gun.

T-ball, as he is known to his friends, was a great user of the swear, he liked the reaction it often provoked and the sounds it created as it jumped high kicking off the tongue. It is worth noting that the shock value of a swear is greatly diminished when you visit certain parts of cites. Here foul and abusive language was part of the modern day dichotomy and T-balls brand of cursing was seen as “lame”.

For those of you who don’t know street speak, I have looked up lame on the Urban Dictionary and it says:

 Just plain stupid, un-original, or lifeless often seen carrying an “i” product. Barbed wire tattoos, butterflies, and tribal tattoos are lame, they say a lot about the person who gets them.

Another way to say lame is to use the phrase “whack”. “Whack” originated back in the old B Ball days in southern France. It’s hard to believe that such a well known street term is actually French. I have nothing against the French per say but they do have some odd words and people.


Our hero loved growing up in France but as soon as he was older enough to leave, she left for London as he went there once and was amazed by how everyone thought it was the centre of the entire universe. The writer of this story would like to point out it’s not the centre of anywhere…. well unless you have iMaps and it’s the centre of Bulgaria.

So T-Ball was all set to write the tune. Our hero was ready to film and the street has been painted by the local council to ensure the town looked it’s best for TV. Apparently councillor McFarlane had heard that HD cameras could cause untold damages to unprotected masonry. She thought best to be safe than sorry, after all she was the local Health and safety rep for the UK.

The First days shoot is due to take place on the 3th December this coincidently is Lucky’s 26th birthday. Lucky is not his real name, she just thought it was much easier to spell. Besides his French name sounds similar to an English swear word she thought it was best to avoid any confusion. He was sick of confusion.

Categories: Stories


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